It’s ironic how one of the all-time greatest videogames becomes arguably the single worst movie ever made. Or ever made in the fantasy genre. Or ever made in the ’90s. Whatever …
It’s even more ironic how in the same year (1993), Steven Spielberg made the most realistic dinosaur movie.
Why is this ironic?
Because the fiasco known as Super Mario bros. was also released in the same year, and also featured a bunch of reptiles walking around. The difference is: Jurassic Park was about the actual prehistoric animals. Super Mario bros. is about … well … I still don’t know what this movie is about! It’s so confusing … so bizarre … so annoyingly childish.
The biggest problem is that the movie and the videogames have nothing in common. What’s the point of turning a videogame into a movie when you’re going to make something completely different? The only thing the Super Mario bros. movie has in common with the videogames are: Mario has a moustache, his brother Luigi is also in the movie, there’s dinosaur-like creatures jumping around, there’s a princess in the castle and … and that’s it!
There are no funny-looking mushrooms that you have to step on. There are no money-grabbing action sequences to enjoy! There aren’t even any green cool-looking underground tubes that lead to you another section.
The underground-world shown in the movie isn’t anything like the videogames. It’s filthy and dark whereas in the videogames it’s fun and squeaky clean. The videogame Mario Bros. may be great fun for children … this movie is either gonna scare them silly or bore them to death!
‘Don’t take everything so serious then!’ one guy on the IMDB-forum suggested.
Alright, let’s not! Problem? This movie ain’t funny enough to *not* take serious. The jokes are crazy-annoying and absolutely nerve-racking, like someone is playing the movie at fast-forward. Add to that the unacceptably bad acting of Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, two actors who’ve been known for their otherwise adequate talents, and you have a pretty good idea why Super Mario bros. is a drag of a movie.
Even Dennis Hopper who has a life-long career of playing classic bad guys (the psychotic cop who blew up the bus in Speed & a stellar performance in 24: Season 1) couldn’t save this movie from falling into the deep abyss of acid eye-burning, God-awful American movies.
It seems an exaggeration, but Super Mario bros. truly deserves a top 5-spot in the list of ‘worst movies ever created’!
There is nothing fun about the movie – nothing! The jokes are awful – especially their timing and the pointless acting that comes with it – and the special effects of the dinosaurs and other creatures look so old that you may think you’re watching a movie made in the 1970’s.
On top of everything else: this movie ain’t even original in its set-up. The crummy science-fiction atmosphere of dirty streets and weird human-like varmints in it feels like a blatant copy of Paul Verhoeven‘s cult-classic Total recall: quite obviously the better movie by a light-year.
So … instead of re-creating the wonderful lighthearted world of Mario … they’ve created some early ’90s sci-fi movie that has the looks of what Michael Jackson‘s baby would look like if he were ever to make out with Cher. Ugly!!
And what’s with Mario?? His younger brother Luigi somehow happens to be the smarter guy of the duo – why? – isn’t Mario supposed to be the big hero instead of the frightened little pussy?? Jeezes … get your facts straight, people!
In fact, the only redeeming factor happens when the credits role.
After watching Mario & Luigi run around like brainless zombies from one room to another:
* fighting ridiculously small-headed reptiles
* or how about a screaming ugly woman with exploded Marge Simpson-hair
* then rescuing a princess who seems safer without the aid of both plumbers
* and ultimately dealing with a big bad guy who’s had thousand of opportunities to kill Mario, but instead goes on ramping about how he’s related to a T-rex (I say: what?!).
After all that crappy-crappier-crappiest crap, the screen finally turns black and we – the audience – can safely open our eyes again without the risk of having our eyeballs explode with disappointment from the sheer agony of having to go through one more minute of such horrendous movie-making!!
I’m tellin’ ya … after all the shit of such stinking filmmaking … listening to Roxette is like taking an elevator straight into the beautiful Heavens up above!
Do you really wanna spend time with Mario bros. Then play the game – but stay away from the movie! You’ll thank me later …
did you know?
In his 2007 autobiography John Leguizamo states he and Bob Hoskins hated working on the film and would frequently get drunk to make it through the experience. Both men apparently knew the movie would turn out bad, so they simply tried to make the best of it. Main reason why the movie flopped was because the directors wanted a more ‘adult’ version while the studio, considering the source material, was looking for a children’s film.
Give it to me short:
Usually when a movie is bad, there is still something good. An actor that you like. Or some of the dialogues that were a bit funny. Or maybe the special effects that were awesome to watch!
Not Super Mario bros. Nope, this movie sinks to the bottom of the lowest American movies ever made!!
The acting is horrendous. The special effects are a slap in the face of every single person who generally loves movies. The direction and creation of the fantasy world is not only completely different from the wonderful world of Mario bros. in the videogames – it’s also bizarre and strange and vomit-inducing to the point where you regret having started watching this cancer of a movie.
It takes something special to have to say: ‘This is the worst movie ever made!’ … guess what? Super Mario bros. might easily be the worst movie ever made!
If it wasn’t for the Roxette-song and that sexy black chick who has a body that can make many men go crazy – this movie would’ve been non-existent.
In retrospect … it pretty much is!